Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. - Proverbs 27:5-6

Correction can be one of the most loving things we provide for those within our Small Groups.
Merriam-Webster.com defines 'confront' in two ways:
1: to face especially in a challenge [oppose]
2: to cause to meet; bring face to face [encounter]

Confrontation does not have to be adversarial. It doesn’t have to be done in opposition. Rather it can be a way for us to help each other see and encounter truth about ourselves. Even though it was hard at the time, I am grateful that I’ve had people in my life who have cared enough to help me encounter truth about myself.
What do you do when someone in your Small Group lacks follow through with a commitment, or is stuck in a pattern of sin, or is in denial about an issue, or is hindering the progress of your group, or did something hurtful to you or to others? Rather than ignoring these situations (or worse, gossiping about them) the loving thing to do is to talk one-on-one with the person. Men with men, women with women, or a couple with a couple.
After choosing an appropriate time and place, here are some guidelines for speaking truth in love:

1) Start with affirmation.
“Tim. I like you and appreciate you. Because of that, there is something I think you need to know that might help you…”

2) Share your perceptions honestly and clearly.
“I notice that sometimes your work and other things seem to leave no room for your spouse and kids” OR “The way you talk about your spouse during break out time sounds to me like there are some unresolved hurts in your marriage”

Here are some words to use:
- I notice that…
- I have seen that you …
- Have you noticed that …
- One of the things that I have seen you do …
- I wonder if you have ever thought about …
- I have heard you say…

3) Listen.
Allow the person to respond. Sometimes just inquiring about an issue is a welcomed opportunity for someone to open up about something that he/she has longed to talk about. Take time to listen to his/her story. And don’t rush a period of silence as the person may be processing what you just shared.

4) Offer biblical counsel.
As you dialogue together, make sure you are bringing God’s Word to bear on the situation. Don’t lose sight that the goal is not to point out faults, but help someone grow as a follower of Christ.

5) Plan to follow up, then pray with the person.
Before taking a moment to pray with the person, determine appropriate action steps. There is personal ownership if the person can identify some of the steps. Encourage being specific as possible (What are you going to do?, How are you going to do it?, When are you going to do it?). Affirm the person of your desire to run alongside and provide encouragement for growth.


The above process is the first step that Jesus outlined in Matthew 18:15-18. If the issue persists and needs further follow up, please contact your Flock Leader to discuss the next step of talking with the person.

If at any time you are uncertain about how to handle a situation with someone in your group, please know that your Flock Leader is only a phone call away and is always eager to assist you.

Remember: better is open rebuke than hidden love, faithful are the wounds of a friend.